I'm scratching away for any trace of affection you will leave.

Isn't it ironic? I've been making a list for a couple weeks now - "Signs you should break up with him.." for myself, for future reference, mainly involving my current boyfriend. Well, HE broke up with ME Thursday. Of course, logically, I should have been fine, considering I was planning the same thing. My pride, however, was hurt. I stood there in disbelief thinking "YOU are breaking up with ME? But I'M out of YOUR league!?" And that's when I realized how immature I've been. He's not in a relationship for the "status". He's being an adult and telling me he thinks it's not working, what I should've done weeks ago when I started my list.

So, I'm going to continue my list as I think of things. I generally need an example though, for the thought to blossom. Here is my list so far (keep in mind they are relative to me, and not applicable to everyone):

Signs You (ME) Should Break Up With Him..
1. He does things intended to be flirtacious and they seem annoying.
2. You find yourself talking badly about him although he's probably done nothing wrong.
3. You notice you're always searching for a "better" option, even among his friends.
4. You start to believe that you have more chemistry or attraction with virtually anyone else (including, but not limited to, his roommate).
5. You don't get offended or upset if he jokes about "having sex" with some other girl.
6. You think about breaking up with him, but don't for fear of losing mutual friends.
7. You think about breaking up with him often.
8. You don't mention him to your friends positively (or at all).
9. You get the urge to cheat on him (and act on that urge).
10. You disregard his feelings often or entirely.
11. You're hesitant to say yes when someone asks you if you have a boyfriend.
12. You pick ridiculous arguments in order to cause problems (and ultimately an easy escape from the relationship entirely).
13. You don't feel jealous - you actually feel apathetic.

Many of these can apply to the "Signs You're Afraid of Commitment" list.

It's the days I can't take.

The moments fly by, but the months seem to pass so slowly. I guess that's the ideal way for things to be: feel like time is flying by, when it's really barely progressing. However.. I can't seem to figure out what I want in the present, because I'm so concerned with the future. It won't come fast enough. I always find myself reminiscing and wishing to be in the past, or day dreaming and anticipating the future.

Today has been an easy day, but I really wish I had just worked. When I'm not in class, doing homework, or working, I don't really know what to do with myself. I generally end up wasting hours on the computer (clearly). I'm ready for it to be 2013, I'm ready to be in South America. I'm ready for it to be 2017, to start a career. 8+ years of college? I'm too impatient for this. Fortunately, there is nothing else I can imagine myself doing.. otherwise, I would've given up by now.