Why can't I feel anything for anyone other than you?

Staring at the clouds through the airplane window, I suddenly wish I was a part of them, that I was something other than myself. A cloud. An unemotional, peaceful part of the cycle of life; Water, necessary to your existence unlike my current role in your life. Then maybe I wouldn't have been the one who naively slept with you, thinking it was what you wanted, like you told me - or that it might win you over. Maybe I wouldn't have a constant knot in my stomach, an infinite uncertainty. I might not be an emotional wreck. Maybe I wouldn't feel like anything was missing at all.

I can't say you're entirely to blame, I made no effort to stop it. After you initiated it, I knew exactly what I was doing. And it's not your fault I'm an emotional wreck now, either. It's my own - my own naivety of believing you were genuine, for even a moment. And I don't hate you, I don't resent you, I'm not even bitter. Sure, you're the only one I've felt comfortable enough with to let the walls down for. Yeah, only you are capable of bringing me to tears, the deep, silent kind that you can't fight back no matter how hard you try. The fault still isn't yours and I won't give you the satisfaction of trying to throw guilt on you. There's no use to be immature now, there never was. You're the only person I've ever loved and I hope that in the very least, you're happy.